Many viewers of the previous unPresidential Debates have taken to playing binge-drinking games to help cope with the “decline of civil discourse, the low popularity ratings of both candidates and the general feeling of gloom for U.S. democracy.” As we head into tonight’s Debate #3, Rachel Bachman in the WSJ suggests a healthier alternative: yoga poses designed to keep viewers facing the TV while trying to cope with every stomach-turning interruption, accusation and revelation.
- Everlasting E-Mail Pose: Hold each time Hillary’s email server problems are brought up. “It won’t remove all traces of anxiety, but it might help.”
- Big Deduction Pose: Hold while explanations are given about all the yugely legit and legal ways to rack up millions of dollars of tax deductions. “Or until your arms give out.”
- Locker Room Pushback Pose: a.k.a. Lewd Comments about Women in a Leaked Video Pose. Have the children practice this while the family is gathered around the T.V. The side benefit to this pose: “You can use your arms to cover your ears.”
- Anguished Elephant Pose: “Repeat as many times as Donald Trump says rigged.”
- Downward Donkey Pose: Strike this pose as you witness first hand why Hillary Clinton favorability rating is among the lowest in the history of presidential politics. Warning: it’s not an easy pose to release.
I’ve added an additional pose. Undecided Voters Pose. Take Child’s Pose, a.k.a. Fetal Position Pose. The downside? Some practitioners struck this pose at the beginning of the election season. There are unconfirmed reports that they’re still in it.
“Take it slowly, and don’t forget to breathe,” warns Ms. Bachman.
Oh, and keep that bottle of Jack handy. There’s no ruling prohibiting you from synchronizing yoga poses with drinking games. Just make sure the kiddies are still holding Locker Room Pushback Pose.