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Sage Advice to Tom Brady from Bill and Hill

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New England Patriots at Washington Redskins 08/28/09

When Tom Brady was asked whether he had cheated, he answered honestly, “I don’t believe so. I feel like I’ve always played within the rules. I would never do anything to break the rules.” Thanks to the Clintons, the WSJ’s Allysia’s Finley has a perfect game plan for Tom.

Also, nice job stonewalling Ted Wells, the NFL’s special investigator, by refusing to hand over your texts and emails. (We can tell you stories about special prosecutors that’ll pin your ears back.) FYI, you should delete those files asap since Congress might decide to pile on and launch its own investigation. Republicans never met a rabbit hole they didn’t want to dive into. Then declare that you only deleted personal correspondence like notes between you and Gisele—no one, not even nosy Republicans or sleazy reporters, has the right to read the correspondence between a husband and wife. Even if it comes to, like, 30,000 emails.

If asked about those autographed footballs and game-worn jerseys that you slipped to the ball boys, claim that they were really gifts that were intended to be auctioned off for fill-in-the-blank charity. We know that Gisele is already checking off the do-gooder box by serving as the “Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations Environment Programme,” but now also might be a good time for you two to set up a putatively philanthropic foundation. You’re making millions, but you still gotta pay the bills.

Most important: Deflect, deflect, deflect like one of those monster Packers defensive linemen batting down one of your passes. For starters, denounce the Wells investigation as a league conspiracy—a “sting operation” as your agent Don Yee said on Thursday. Your dad got it right when he called it “Framegate.” Remember that the NFL front office may be the only governing body in the U.S. that’s less popular than Congress.

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Debbie Young

Debbie, editor-in-chief of Richardcyoung.com, has been associate editor of Dick Young’s investment strategy reports for over three decades. When not in Key West, Debbie spends her free time researching and writing in and about Paris and Burgundy, France, cooking on her AGA Cooker, driving her Porsche Boxter S through Vermont and Maine, and practicing yoga.